have i been too selfish?

i’ve been a super compassionate and caring person ever since i was a kid. as a result of that, i got hurt and got taken advantage of throughout my adulthood. at first i just put up with it. when i got really fed up with it and decided to protect my own integrity. this year i been shutting off loadsa negativity, cut contact from loadsa negative people, done did loadsa inner self-healing, telling off loadsa BS. it been working well for me. i’m a stronger and more independent woman now lol.. jk.. i mean i do feel a lot stronger.. but.. but.. but..

something happened and awaken my deep inner compassion again. i realized i been living in lies. i been lying to myself that ‘i’m ok’ and that ‘i’m too strong to let negativity into me’ or that ‘i am too strong to care about people’s feelings’. as i was shutting off people’s negativity, by telling them to take their BS elsewhere, by telling them that they’re the causers for their own suffering and that their negativity got nothing to do with me, i realized i get hurt more. it doesn’t feel good leaving people feeling like shet while i’m happy af (by masking out my deep inner pain).

when i stop offering understanding toward people, i misunderstand people. it causes them shetty feelings. but really, everyone is connected by the same energy field, and if i hurt someone, even passively, it means i hurt myself.

when mi parents first separated i was confused af. one of them left and went away. the one that didn’t leave started shet-talking about them. i think they just needed a scape goat to cover up their own mistakes, and they didn’t wanna lose me. i was in good terms with both of them before they separated, but as the influencing goes deeper and deeper, i started distancing myself more and more from the other parent.

until recently (i tell ya, that corona shet really heals family relationships) — i met them again. we chatted about shet and sorted all the misunderstanding and we hugged and cried like WAHHHHHHHHHH.. it was a healing moment. it made me realize all these years i wasn’t ‘ok’. it made me realize all that ‘o it doesn’t matter if that parent or both parents never talk to me again, idgaf bruh’ shet was just me tryna cover up my pain, and i been lying to myself ‘im ok bruh’ for 20 years. that parent had the same attitude ‘i’m ok, idgaf if ya never talk to me again, mehmehmeh’. bruh, they was NOT ok!

remembering all these shet made me cry again last night. and i realized until you heal your heart and stop your mind from lying to you ‘im ok bruh’, YOU’RE NOT OK! and they’re not ok either. check on ya parents often. check on ya friends more often. if u fxcked shet up in the past, meet up with them again now that you’re wiser and stronger. it’s not about who’s right or who’s wrong. that shet doesn’t matter! screw ego and just focus on the human side of shet. if you’re a caring person by nature, NEVER STOP CARING! i realized it’s ego all along that made me think that i got taken advantage of. when you’re compassionate and caring, if your love has integrity and really is unconditional, you’ll NEVER feel taken advantage of. it’s the ego and expectations that messed things up and gave you the illusional feeling of ‘being taken advantage of’. you’ll never lose when you give.

now that i’m strong and independent, i know exactly what i’m doing. everything i do is of a conscious choice. although it’s good to do self-love and self-healing, it never should be upon others’ suffering or discomfort. shutting out negativity doesn’t mean hurting others. there’s always a way, there’s always harmony that you can create out of it. everyone is connected, and me loving myself should be radiated as unconditional love upon everyone that gets around me. what’s the use if you only love yourself and that’s it, hurt everyone else? that’s not real self-love to begin with, it’s the ego either tryna lie to you or to protect you from people.

this week i went outta mi ways and made up with at least 6 people that i’ve bamboozled before (yeah i’m efficient and i get shet done lel). even though it felt good bamboozling people, making up with them and seeing their smiles again feels better. from now on i’ll always choose harmony over bamboozling others. screw self-help influencers that says otherwise! yes, love yourself and look after yourself and be nice to yourself, but never base that shet upon bamboozling others around you! while you’re focusing on self-healing, always seek a way that creates harmony between you and any other person that could be involved. the world is comprised of loadsa people, you never have to do this by yourself, you’re never alone. open your heart and let life happen beautifully around you, and radiate that beauty toward everyone around you.

again, this shet is still true and ima still gon say it in every conclusion paragraph of mi blog — love yourself! it’s the solution to all your problems! (but this time ima add this — never stop caring for others either)!

ilu, you’re super awesome! you’re a beautiful person inside and out! all you need to do is for you to see that about yourself yourself. promise me that you’ll always choose happiness, aye 🌟🦄💖

Photo by Helena Lopes on Pexels.com

Published by Dan Scorpio

a really hot Motivational Speaker's secret blogging account

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